Despair
by Ehliena
Summary: Rey was giving birth to their first child. It was going well. Until it wasn't.


They had assured him that childbirth would be easier than everything else Rey had gone through in the war. But as Ben tried to get the blood to flow back to his hand after she had crushed it during a particularly strong contraction, he was beginning to have his doubts.

He looked at her, her hair plastered to her forehead with sweat. Her eyes as fierce as he'd seen them in any battle. In a sense childbirth was a battle. It was bloody and sweaty and there were quite a few curse words being thrown around.

A monitor beeped. Ben didn't know what it was for, but it made the healer raise her head in alarm.

"Healer?" he asked, concern filling his voice.

"Nothing to worry about," the healer assured him, but he could tell that she was lying.

The medidroid that was assisting the delivery injected something into a vein on Rey's arm. The healer waited for a few seconds before nodding, clearly satisfied that the drug had worked.

"Ben?" Rey said, her voice rough from the yelling she had been doing earlier.

"Right here Rey," Ben squeezed her hand.

"This is really happening?" she asked. "We're going to be parents soon?"

"Yes," he said, bringing her hand to his lips. "Soon."

He remembered when they had first announced that they were getting married. People reacted just as they had expected. His Uncle had congratulated them, but Ben had felt that the old Jedi had his doubts about the relationship.

His mother was another story. She had laughed and cried and cried while laughing. Ben knew that she was happy. She had been pleased when he and Rey first started dating. She already considered Rey a daughter, the marriage would have just made it official.

Rey's friends were not so understanding. Rey and Ben had invited Finn and Poe over for dinner. After Rey announced the news, the pair had given the couple congratulations. Later Finn had pulled Ben aside and talked to him.

"Listen," Finn said as soon as they were far enough away. "I know you make Rey happy, and I see it."

Finn paused. Ben waited for the other man to get to his point. He could see that the former storm trooper really needed to say what he had to say.

"It's just that Rey's had a lot of things go wrong with her life," Finn continued. "And I'd rather not see this one join the long list of disappointments she's already had."

"I understand," Ben nodded. "I'd rather that this wouldn't be a disappointment to her either."

"Good, good," Finn said. "And if you hurt her…"

"I know what you're capable of Finn," Ben replied. "I saw your training records. I probably wouldn't even fight back."  
"As long as you understand."

They walked back to where Poe and Rey were after that. Rey raised an eyebrow in question when they entered. Ben just shrugged in response. The rest of the night had been uneventful until Poe and Finn had to leave.

"A word if you will Ben?" Poe said as he passed through the doorway. "It won't take long."

Ben and Rey exchanged a look, but Ben wasn't going to be intimidated by the pilot. He sent Rey a look that clearly said it was alright and followed Poe.

"You go on ahead Finn," Poe waved the other man off.

Ben understood the need for privacy. Death threats shouldn't be made with witnesses. And Ben doubted that Poe would want to involve Finn, being as protective of the other man as he was of Rey.

"Listen Ben," Poe said in a calm, almost friendly voice. "Rey is like a kid sister to me. And you know big brothers don't like it when their kid sisters are hurt, yeah?"

Ben nodded, not knowing how else to respond.

"Good," Poe said. "Now, I'm not a man who usually makes threats, but for Rey, I'm making an exception."

Ben waited for him to continue. He wasn't scared. He survived the First Order, Supreme Leader Snoke, and the Knights of Ren. Whatever Poe was going to threaten him with, he could handle it.

"If you ever hurt her," Poe warned. "I swear I will be there as fast as whatever ship I have on hand can get me there, and I will take her far away from you."

"Won't I have a say in that?" Rey suddenly said, causing the two to turn to face her.

"Rey," Poe greeted sheepishly. "You weren't suppose to hear that."

"I'm sure," she replied, shooting Poe a wry smile. "Is this some sort of male ritual? I know that Finn had done the same earlier."

"I-" Poe was going to say, but Rey cut him off.

"Oh no," Rey said. "I find it flattering that you both want to protect me, but you seem to have forgotten that I could protect myself."

"Right," Poe shifted uneasily on his feet.

"Tell Finn thank you," Rey said as she grabbed Ben's hand to drag him back to their quarters. "But I can handle it."

Once they were back inside their room, Rey smiled up at him.

"I'm sorry about that," she said. "They're just so protective."

"You have good friends," Ben commented, enveloping her in his arms.

"They have their moments," Rey agreed.

A long groan brought Ben back to the present. It was another contraction, they were coming in quicker now. Rey's eyes glinted through that pain.

"Breathe," Ben said, performing the breathing exercises with her.

"Not. That. Easy. Ben!" she said in between breaths.

He smiled at her. She was such a fighter. So strong and beautiful. He wondered how he had been so lucky that she chose him.

Her eyes narrowed in pain as another contraction hit. Ben remembered how happy she had been when she first found out they were having a baby.

"We're having a baby," she had whispered to him as they were cuddling on the sofa after dinner one night a few months into their marriage.

Ben had not reacted gracefully, much to his shame and Rey's amusement. He had fallen off the couch at her announcement.

He sat on the floor for a few moments, blinking owlishly at her as she laughed at the look on his face.

"Really?" Ben asked, his eyes on her midsection.

"Really," Rey nodded. "The medidroid confirmed it this morning. We're going to be parents!"

Ben was also ashamed of his next reaction, which was to fall into a dead faint. He wasn't against having children in any way, but he thought that he'd have more time before it happened.

When he came to, he was on the couch with his head on Rey's lap. She was combing her fingers through his hair, causing him to hum in pleasure.

"Are you awake now?" she asked, keeping her gaze on the far wall.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Did the news shock you?" her voice was steady, a bit too steady.

"A bit," he admitted.

"Don't you want this?" her lower lip quivered, but she stayed strong.

"Rey," Ben said, sitting up and turning her to face him. "I want this more than anything else in the galaxy. And I want this with you."

He proceeded to take her face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together. Rey's eyes shines as he stared into them.

"Really?"she whispered.

"Really," he swore, tilting his head to kiss her.

The same monitor beeped again, bringing Ben back to the present. The healer gave it a sharp look and muttered under hear breath. She gave the medidroid another command to inject another drug into Rey.

"Healer?" Ben inquired, but she just smiled at him.

"An anomaly," the healer replied. "Keep breathing Rey. Your son will be here soon."

Rey smiled up at Ben, comforting him when he was supposed to be comforting her. She was excited for the baby. They both were.

Rey had just been over four months pregnant when they began decorating the baby's room. Ben was't even sure that the child needed all the toys that they had accumulated, but between Finn, who grew up with almost no personal effects because the First Order forbade it, and Rey, who only remembered toys that she made herself, the baby had a lot of toys.

"I don't know why you encourage him," Ben said, raising the stuffed AT-AT to inspect it. "We have enough toys."

"You wouldn't understand," Rey said, shaking a stuffed version of BB-8 in front of his face. "Finn just wants to make sure the baby won't grow up wanting."

"There's a fine line between not growing up wanting," he replied, staring at the room. "And growing up spoiled."

"He won't be spoiled," Rey assured. "He'll have you and Poe to balance us out."

"As much as I love your vote of confidence in me and Poe wife," Ben said, pulling her close to him. "You forget that my mother will be very muvh involved in the little one's life. If anything, that guarantees that he'll be spoiled."

"Oh?" Rey chuckled, melting into his embrace. "I pegged the General as someone who would be strict."

"You clearly haven't seen the inside of her closet," Ben pressed a kiss to Rey's hair. "There were a lot of gifts there, just waiting for out son to be born."

Before Rey could say anything, the baby kicked. Ben released his hold a little to stare at her in wonder.

"Was that?" Ben asked, his gaze directly at her stomach.

"I think so," Rey replied, just as awed.

Ben laughed happily as he got to his knees and pressed his cheek against her stomach. Rey lifted her shirt so that he could press a kiss to her bare abdomen.

"Hello son," Ben said. "Your mother and I are very excited to meet you."

Rey radiantly smiled down at Ben. He felt the weight of her gaze and looked up at her in question.

"Nothing," Rey shook her head. "It's just that you're so worried about us spoiling the child, but I can already tell that you're going to let him get away with so many things."

Another shout and the rather painful grip on his hand broke Ben from his memories. Rey was panting and he was pretty sure that his hand was going to be broken if she continued squeezing.

"He's crowning," the healer announced. "Good job Rey."

Ben couldn't remember the rest of the delivery. The next thing he could remember is watching Rey handle their infant son for the first time.

"Ken," he said, kissing Rey's forehead. "You did it."

"I did, didn't I?" she replied, still pale, but very much vibrant.

Ben thought that he'd never seen her so beautiful, so full of life. Then she slumped into a faint. Ben caught their son and pulled him into his arms.

Monitors started flashing and machines started beeping. The healer had Ben forcibly removed from the room. He had no idea what was going on. He thought that the worse was over.

But the worse was yet to come. While he was waiting outside, with his infant son in his hands, friends and family swarmed around him, congratulating him and admiring Ken.

Ben didn't hear them. He kept his mind in the Force, feeling Rey's Force signature, tracking whatever changes he could see.

One moment it was so strong, a blazing light in the Force. The next it dimmed and sputtered out.

A grief like nothing before washed over Ben. He saw his mother turn her head towards the delivery room, her eyes widened in horror. His uncle sat down, dismay evident in his face.

Nobody else knew. None of the others who were still cooing over Ken, knew that his mother, Ben's wife, the savior of the Resistance, had passed into the Force.

Ben resisted a sob. Staring into his son's face, the one legacy Rey had left behind for him, he promised that Ken would know her. That Ken would know the amazingly bright light that was Rey Kenobi-Solo.

* * *

kindofanoxymoron over at tumblr gave me the inspiration for this fic.

This fic made me sad. It did not make me bawl or anything, but mainly bc my heart is a cold dead place anyway.  
Please tell me what you guys thought of it. It might be riddled with errors, but I wrote the majority of this on my tab, while I was riding a boat that was going through rough waters.


End file.
